If someone would have asked me why I was fat, I would have denied it. I wasn't *that* fat! I was big boned! I've been overweight since puberty, since Depo Provera, genetically and of course I don't have time to do anything different...I'm a homeschooling Mom to 4 kids born in 5.5 years! And a little part of me would have admitted that I don't eat that great....but it wasn't like I was eating waffles and syrup and gallons of ice cream! It wasn't fair! Why did I have to have PCOS?
I've made some amazing discoveries as the pounds dropped away. I am not big boned. I'm not genetically predisposed to be overweight. I don't need to hide behind my size or my big clothes. It's okay to stand out. To be noticed. It's been a struggle with my anxiety to be okay with that. I've discovered that the more kind and loving I am to myself, the more weight I lost and the better I felt. The negative self talk had to go!
People often as me now how I did it. Partially, I became a runner. I didn't call myself one for a very long time because I couldn't even run more than 30 seconds without hyperventilating (or at least feeling like I would). But I kept lacing up my shoes and going. Eventually I could run a full 10k trail race. But I attribute most of my success to changing my relationship to food. I really listened to my body and found there is a difference between being hungry or just having a craving. Being satiated (or no longer hungry) vs. feeling full. Eating more nutrient dense foods that I could fill up on vs. higher calories for less. I never felt like I was depriving myself because I would eat whatever I wanted, knowing that if it wasn't healthy that I would eat less of it.
I fulfilled a life-long dream of mine and joined an adult Ballet class. I decided to take Jazz as well! I have a recital coming up in June.
It's been good. Really good. My head still hasn't caught up with my body yet. Like getting a new haircut and doing a double take in the mirror, I am constantly amazed when a small pair of pants fit me, when I see myself in photo and when my husband hugs me and I feel so dainty. Me. Dainty!
