It's been awhile...

since I've posted. And mostly that's because I have nothing to report. Nothing positive anyway. I'm struggling through these last days. I'm up constantly at night with cramps and contractions that go nowhere. I'm tired. I'm ready for this baby to come out, ready to get started and I feel like I'm in limbo. The anticipation is almost worse than the pains. I say almost because I think the UTI reared it's ugly head again. Either way, "feeling good" is something I haven't experienced in a very long time. I'd even venture out to say that it was a rarity this pregnancy. I'm assured that I will have the most mellow little baby in the world following this, but deep inside I'm worried that the pregnancy was just a precursor to a very high-needs little guy.

At this point tho, I wouldn't care if he was the devil's spawn himself, I want him out. I want to see his little toes. I want to cuddle him. I want to not feel like shit anymore. I want to be able to play with my other kids. Getting up constantly at night feels differently when you are up with the cutest cuddly baby than it feels when you are up with cramps and heartburn every 30 minutes.

I know it's coming. I've been on pins and needles waiting for that first real contraction. By real, I don't mean painful, I've already been having those. I mean real as in continues to progress and ends in a baby, not fizzles out after contracting for days. I'm horrified to think that I could feel this way and worse for another 3 weeks. I was very much hoping this baby would take after his sister and be born last week. Perhaps he won't take after Jonas and wait another 2.5 weeks, perhaps he'll be a due date baby, his own little person. At least the full moon will be in my favor, perhaps in just a few more days I will be holding my little one. I hope so.